When the pandemic took hold of the world in 2019/2020, I questioned the significance my artistic voice had during a time when death, economic suffering, and isolation were at an unprecedented peak globally. How could I justify feeling sad about a failed audition when hospitals didn’t have basic protective gear to keep VITAL medical staff safe and protected? Disappointingly, many of my known assumptions and concerns about the music industry had come true, seeing that nearly all of my artist colleagues had either lost their jobs or were out of work seemingly overnight. I felt angry and remorseful for having devoted my life to a career where the fiscal needs of an industry took precedence over the human beings who allow for it to thrive. I felt cheated. So, for my mental health and overall well-being, I took a step back and decided to put a pause on pursuing a professional career in classical singing.
Stopping was one of the hardest decisions I ever made in my life, but it was also the most relieving. All of the pressures weighing over me suddenly lifted and for the first time in years, I took the time I craved to actually spend time with the ones I love and reconnected with parts of myself I had tossed aside resulting from my very expensive and nonlucrative music habit. Instead of existing to be seen and approved by a panel of auditioners, I reveled in getting to know myself as I entered my late twenties. I started riding and volunteering with horses again, my husband and I adopted the most amazing Australian Shepherd named Bilbo Baggins, and on February 20th, 2022, I gave birth to my smart, musically curious, and loving daughter Eva. My singing took on new meaning and shape these past three years as I undid years of imbedded tension and ingrained listening/eavesdropping within my singing. I remembered why I wanted to sing in the first place, with my pregnancy and baby being the central muses within my journey.
So, here I am a couple of weeks ago in a rural town in Pennsylvania, collaborating with the wonderful Susan Royer, a local organist and founder of Make Music Upper Perk, to educate her young piano students about the wide spectrum of classical music. Over these past few years, Mozart, Bach, and Handel have provided me with much needed company these years both as vocal teachers and as riveting composers for the ear and mind. Sharing the wonders of Mozart with these young musicians was an honor and solidified in me why and how I must continue to make music. After three years of healing my mind and my musical spirit, I finally understand that music must be made on my own terms with joy and community building at the forefront of each endeavor. My artistic voice always carries meaning, no matter the state of the world, as long as it reaches someone, and especially if that someone is a beautiful little girl who is just beginning to explore the world.